


The Canary

by galaxy_ash



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Paparazzo Phil, Song Artist Dan, slowish burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:53:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23630389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galaxy_ash/pseuds/galaxy_ash
Summary: Dan is a famous singer called The Capricious Canary, but known as The Canary by his fans and the public. Phil is a paparazzo who hates his job and is assigned to stalk Dan to get insider pictures.
Relationships: Dan Howell & Phil Lester, Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 9
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i first started working on this fic in january 2019, so it’s been in the works for a while
> 
> that being said, i don’t have a beta so sorry for any mistakes you might come across
> 
> disclaimer: i will be using songs written by actual artists so i will include a playlist or two with the songs. dan’s label is also portrayed badly in this fic, so i don’t mean to say that all labels are bad, it’s just that dan’s is. some parts will also have inaccuracies even though i did some research so just know that i tried my best
> 
> sorry also for any formatting issues, as i’m doing this from my phone since my computer decided to permanently die on me
> 
> i hope you enjoy :)

————————————————————————

_Subject: Assignment -The Canary_

_Mary Collins,_

_<_ _marycollins@collinsphotographycom_ _> _

_to: Philip,_

_< p_ _hiliplester@collinsphotography.com_ _> _

_Apr 7, 2019, 5:33 AM (1 day ago)_

_Philip,_

_Your assignment this week is to uncover information on The Canary. He stays away from the public eye, and if we were to get exclusive pictures or information, that would be beneficial. I have accepted your requests to delay this assignment in the past, but information is imperative now, and if you do not complete your assignment, you will be let go. Do whatever you must. I recommend befriending him in order to gain his trust. This technique has worked for many others in the past and should allow you to successfully complete your assignment. Extensions can be given, but you mustn’t take longer than a month._

_MC_

_—————————————————————_

“Canary! When is your new album coming out?”

“Are you excited to go on your first tour?”

“Daniel! Who are you dating?”

“Who is your latest single, ‘Girl Crush’, about?”

Dan was bombarded with a flurry of questions and the blinding flashes of camera lights. Microphones were shoved in his face as his bodyguards hurried him through the crowd to the door of the building. He managed to crack the door open just enough to shimmy through into the blissfully quiet building, breathing a sigh of relief. He was planning on finishing his music video for his latest single, Girl Crush, and had gone this far without any problems, but unfortunately, that had changed today. He walked through the dimly lit hallway into a room near the back of the building, preparing to meet with his small team that would get him ready. He had never had a team before a week ago, but his label insisted that he have at least the basic people so they could get him ready for interviews and music videos and whatnot. He also didn’t have a manager, because although quite a few had reached out, he hadn’t really connected with any of them.

He entered the room and his dark-skinned makeup artist turned around, blue shoulder-length hair swishing around her shoulders. “Hey, Dan.” She gestured towards the salon chair sitting in front of her, “So what happened out there? All we could hear was shouting.”

He sighed, sitting in her chair and getting situated, “Hey Amari, it was the paps again. The location changes had been fine up until this point, but they somehow found out where I was shooting today and the word got out.”

She just shook her head with pity, “I don’t think I’ve asked you this before, but if you don’t mind me asking, were you prepared for this part of the job?”

“I didn’t really choose this, exactly. I started by posting videos online for fun and it just blew up. It’s not my fault that it became a job.”

She patted his shoulder, pushing his hair off of his forehead with a headband before picking up the concealer. “Just remember, love, you have a choice in everything. No one can make you do anything you don’t want to.”

Dan snorted, “I wish that was the case, but this is the music industry. I have no say in anything.”

She gave him an indecipherable look, staying silent as she dabbed at the bags under his eyes. Dan changed the subject, asking her about how her daughter was doing as she applied the rest of his makeup. Just before she was finished, a stout man who looked not-unlike Danny Devito came over, frowning at Dan’s hair.

“Hey Benny,” Dan glanced at the man.

Benny’s naturally downturned mouth just scowled deeper, “Your hair looks worse than usual, you’re going to need a lot of help.”

Dan blinked, still stunned at the man’s bluntness, but kept silent as the man began styling his curls from a frizzy mess to controlled waves. After they were both finished, he stood up so he could get dressed in his designated outfit. Well, actually, it’s not like he needed to get dressed into much of anything. His record label had wanted him to write a song about being infatuated with a girl to protect his image. Rumours had begun to circle that he was gay, and his label was worried that might ruin his reputation and decrease sales, so they didn’t want to take any risks, which meant having him act overly straight. That included writing a song titled ‘Girl Crush’ and then having the music video include Dan doting on an attractive girl, who was wearing much less clothes than she should be. Dan felt more than a twinge of annoyance by this, and had even tried asking, protesting, and bargaining, but nothing worked, so Dan had eventually given up. 

Dan shucked off his current clothes and stepped into a pair of straight dark-wash jeans and a plain black shirt. With that, a conventionally attractive female walked through the door, nodding and smiling at Amari and Benny, greeting them before turning to Dan. “Hey, Dan. Last day today. Not that I don’t enjoy this, but my girlfriend doesn’t appreciate this part of my job.”

Dan smirked. “I get you. Still sorry you had to be dragged into this, Lanie.”

She shrugged while stepping out of her clothes and into the sheer tube top and mini denim skirt provided. “It’s fine. It pays well and you’re great to work with.” 

While she was talking, Dan’s eyes wandered around the room to become more acquainted with the building he was in, and his eyes flicked to a window in the back corner behind her that exposed a back alleyway. His brows furrowed for a moment, but he didn’t focus on it for too long. His security was heavily guarding the building, so no one would be able to get around to the back.

Benny clapped his hands, getting the attention of the group. “Alright, let’s get to it. The filming room is across the hallway. Hopefully this won’t take more than a few hours.”

They walked over to the opposite room where the director and cameramen were. The director smiled at them gleefully. “Daniel and Lanie! Ready to get to it? We’re going to do the last verses today, where Dan is lusting over Lanie’s lips and blonde hair and smelling her perfume.”

Dan and Lanie looked at each other with matching expressions of disguised displeasure at the whole ordeal before turning to the director and giving him charming smiles. “We’re ready.”

Both of the young adults were becoming fed up with the amount of time it was taking to shoot. They had already filmed the first two scenes, but had been trying to film different angles for the last scene for what felt like forever. Dan tried to ignore the large camera that was right next to his face as he acted out chatting to Lanie while maintaining a sly lovestruck look on his face. Honestly, he was a singer and not an actor for a reason. 

“CUT!” 

Dan and Lanie waited a moment before relaxing and turning to look at the director. 

“That’s a wrap, guys. We got all the shots we need, so we just need to send it to our editor now to get it all finalized. We’ll send you both a copy of the video before sending it to your label to get released so you can suggest any changes you want to be made. But you’re all done filming.” Benny and Amari walked over to the group and handed out a glass of champagne to each of the team. “It was great working with you two and I hope we’ll get a chance to do it again.” 

Dan smiled warmly and said, “To ‘Girl Crush’”. 

The rest of the crew grinned and echoed his cheers, “To ‘Girl Crush’”. 

They stayed and talked for a few more minutes before Dan, Lanie, Amari, and Benny went back into the small room across the hall. 

“Just for future reference,” Lanie said, laying her hand on Dan’s elbow, “My girlfriend is actually an editor, so if you need anyone who you’re maybe more… comfortable with, let me know and I could hook you up.”

“Thanks, Lanie. I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.” Dan looked at Lanie with a fond smile. “You know, I genuinely had an amazing time working with you.”

She smiled back at him before wrapping him in a hug, gripping him tightly. “I had an amazing time with you too.” The next few seconds happened in a rapid succession of a bright flash from the small window and a mousy brown head of hair ducking out of sight. The four of them gasped, and without thinking, Dan bolted down the hallway to where an exit into the alleyway was, ignoring the shouts from the rest of them to stop. 

Throwing open the door, Dan burst into the humid spring air, spotting a man with a large camera running down the alleyway. Dan was about to start chasing him down when he realized that the man was running in the direction of the dead end. He rolled his eyes and snorted. _Idiot_. He began walking down the alleyway, and could tell the moment that the man realized he was at a dead end, because he froze, skidded to a stop, and spun around to face Dan. 

By this point, the two men were so close that Dan could make out the man’s blue eyes, wide with fear, and could see him go even paler than he already was at the sight of Dan coming at him. Dan walked closer as the man stayed frozen, staring in horror at Dan. As he got closer, he could see the man’s fingers nervously twitching as he tried to figure out what Dan would do. Before Dan could say anything, the man burst out with an exclamation.

“I need to keep the photos.”

Dan snorted incredulously. He had to be kidding, “Obviously not.”

The man’s eyes widened, “Please, you don’t understand.”

The absolute audacity of this man, “No.”

“Please. I’m…” The man sharply inhaled, then spat the next few sentences in one breath, “my boss said that if I don’t get anything good on you, I’m fired. She’s wanted me to get things about you for a while but I kept saying no because I hate being a paparazzo. I hate stalking people and digging into their personal business but I can’t quit because I have nowhere else to go.”

Dan frowned, “I thought paparazzi were independent?”

“They usually are, but I’m an unusual case. I was a wedding photographer, but when my boss noticed my ability to capture candid photos, she figured she would get more money by changing my job description, and suddenly, I was no longer photographing weddings but celebrities.”

“Surely that’s illegal?”

“Probably, but taking it to court would make the whole thing too messy.”

“Well why didn’t you quit?”

The man squirmed. “It pays well and since I dropped out of uni, there’s not many places that would want me.”

“Well surely if you capture that good of photos, you could get a job somewhere else?”

“I… maybe. But for now, this is all I have. So please? Can I keep the photos?”

Dan stayed silent, but bit his lip in question.

The man sensed Dan’s failing reserve and made his last argument. “I’m sure your record label would want it to get leaked anyway. To preserve your image and all.”

Dan blinked in surprise. “How do you know about that?”

“It’s what a lot of labels want,” The man smiled sadly, “I’ve seen my fair share of celebrities like you. You seem to be making the songs and portraying the image that they want you to.”

Dan flushed in anger, “Who are you to tell me that I’m not pleased with the songs I’m creating?”

The man’s voice dropped, “I… I didn’t mean anything by it, I’m sorry.”

Dan stayed still for a moment, staring into the man’s eyes to search for any hint of a lie. Upon finding none, he sighs and nods, “I need to talk to Lanie first, but you have my permission for the picture. You’ll owe me though.” He paused for a moment. “What’s your name?”

The man blinked, unsure of what was happening. “Um… Phil. Phil Lester.”

Dan nodded, pondering the name for a moment. “I probably shouldn’t be doing this, but call me Dan. I can’t stand the name Daniel.” With that, he spun around and began walking away, motioning over his shoulder for Phil to follow. 

Phil scrambled to follow after Dan, keeping his hands gripped tight on his camera. Dan opened the door to the inside and walked in, only to be greeted with the various emotions that showed on the faces of Lanie, Amari, and Benny. 

“What were you thinking, Dan? Chasing after a…” Benny’s voice drifted off as Phil stepped through the doorway. 

The three of them stared at Phil in shock as Dan and Phil both stood there awkwardly. 

“Um, this is Phil Lester. He wants to, uh, keep the picture he took.” Dan mumbled.

“Are you joking? You’re actually considering this?” Benny gaped at Dan in shock.

Dan frowned then, demeanor changing. “Actually, I’ve already agreed. I just wanted Lanie’s consent.” He turned to Lanie, awaiting her response.

She contemplated it for a moment before nodding her head. “I don’t really care. There’s so many fake rumours out there about me anyway, I might as well add to the mix and make it look like I scored myself a hot boyfriend out of it.”

Dan grinned, “Thanks Lanie. I appreciate it.”

“And so do I.” Phil blurted out his thanks, smiling at Lanie, who smiled politely back.

Dan turned to Phil, giving him a single nod. “You’re good to release the picture. Good luck with your job. No offense, but I hope I won’t see you again.”

Phil smiled gratefully. “Thank you so much. I owe you big time.”

“Yes, you certainly do.” Benny frowned. “Now I suggest you get going.”

Phil startled, as if remembering that Benny and Amari were still standing there. “Of course. I’m sorry. I feel awful doing this, and I hate being selfish, but--”

“Phil, it’s fine.” Dan cut off his rambling. “You’re doing us a favour too. Don’t worry about it.”

Phil relaxed and smiled weakly at Dan. “Okay, if you’re sure. Thank you. And goodbye.” Phil began walking out the door.

“Goodbye.”

When the door had completely shut behind Phil, the three directed their attention back to Dan.

“Why did you want that pap to leak that picture of you two?” Benny asked through gritted teeth.

Dan shrugged, unsure of why he actually had.

Benny opened his mouth, ready to argue with Dan, but Amari placed a hand on his shoulder. “Calm down, love. Dan obviously had a reason, and maybe he doesn’t want to share it. Lanie was right: there’s enough rumours about them out there, might as well spark another one and get more publicity on Dan before his album comes out and he goes on tour.”

Benny glared at Dan for another moment before heaving a sigh and running his hand through his coarse hair. “Fine, fine. Whatever.” He spun around and began walking away. “I just hope this doesn’t backfire in some way.” Amari followed after him, leaving Dan and Lanie alone in the hallway.

Dan could feel Lanie’s eyes burning into the side of his face, but he refused to acknowledge her. She proceeded anyway. “So, Dan. You think that’s got a chance?”

He blinked, startled by the question. “What’s got a chance?”

“You and him, of course.”

“What about me and him?”

“Your relationship with him.”

Dan choked on his spit, coughing before he could answer. “What? I’m not in a relationship with him!”

She smirked knowingly. “No, you’re not. But you wouldn’t be opposed to it.” He opened his mouth to retaliate, but she continued talking. “Don’t even think about denying it. You don’t let just any pap keep a picture. I saw the way you looked at him.”

Dan just glared at her. “I looked at him in no particular way.”

“Okay, whatever you say, Dan.” She looked down at her watch, starting when she saw the time. “I’ve got to get going to a meeting, but you have my number. I expect you to text me the details after you two hook up.” Before Dan could talk, she wiggled her fingers in a goodbye wave. “Have a good day, my new boyfriend.” 

Dan sighed in defeat. He sure had made quite the mess today. And after all that he still wasn’t sure of two things. The first thing being when the picture would “leak” and how it would affect his image and publicity. And the most important thing: if he did actually like Phil. Surely he didn’t. Surely he was just being nice and compassionate. Anyone would have done that. It certainly wasn’t Phil’s considerate demeanour or his perfectly styled hair or his expressive blue eyes or his cute smile or… fuck. Maybe he did like Phil. There was just something captivating about him that made Dan want more. But he shouldn’t see him again. He couldn’t. Right? 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> forgot to say this earlier, but updates will be monday and friday :)

Dan woke up to dozens of texts and messages from his friends and family, asking if the picture of him and Lanie was true or if it was another rumour. All it took was one search of his name to see the picture plastered over every news outlet online; it was even trending on Twitter under #Danie. He sighed, dropping his head to the pillow before texting everyone back, assuring them that a pap had just caught him hugging Lanie after shooting the music video and they weren’t dating. Dan was scrolling through his mentions on Twitter when he noticed an interesting tweet.

**_ClevverTV (@ClevverTV)_ **

_ Thanks to @PhilipLester for capturing these images of @therealcanary . Wonder if the Canary will release other information about his relationship?? _

Dan snorted; they should know better at this point that he wouldn’t share any information, but they needed to get people’s hopes up. 

But the part that really interested him was the @ before his name. It had to be the same Phil that Dan had met the day before. And if that was the case, well… Dan needed to do some snooping. He clicked on Phil’s profile, not sure what he was expecting to see, but when he only found a solid grey banner, a professional looking profile picture, and a bland bio that included basic information, he knew it wasn’t right. It didn’t feel right for some reason. It was definitely the right Phil, that was his picture, but why was everything so monotonous? 

However, Dan was surprised to see that Phil was following him. It probably shouldn’t have surprised him, as Phil needed to keep up with all of his activities, but he was still shocked. He knew he couldn’t follow Phil back, as that would look way too suspicious and would cause everyone to freak out and create new assumptions. He could, however, dm Phil. 

**therealcanary:** was your boss pleased with the pictures?

He expected to be waiting a while for the response, but received one merely moments later.

**PhilipLester:** Yes, she was thrilled and I still have a job! Thank you so much again, Dan. I really appreciate it! I’d still like to make it up to you. I was wondering if you had any ideas of how you’d like me to do that?

The first idea that came to Dan was rather explicit, and he dismissed it shortly. He thought for a moment before another idea popped into his brain. This was foolish, he knew it was. They hadn’t even properly met each other before yesterday, and had only talked for a few minutes. And yet, it seemed right. He quickly responded before he could change his mind.

**therealcanary** : we could go get coffee today? but it would have to be somewhere kind of discrete

This time, Phil took a while to respond, causing Dan to freak out and regret ever sending that. Dan quickly sent another message.

**therealcanary:** i mean, we don’t have to if you don’t want to, of course. i just thought it would be nice?

Phil responded within a few seconds. 

**PhilipLester:** No, I would love to, it’s just that one measly cup of coffee doesn’t even begin to make up for you saving my job. And where could we even go where you wouldn’t be discovered?

**therealcanary:** it does make up for it. you’ve already helped my public image, so coffee will make up for it just fine. and i don’t really get out much, so i don’t have any ideas, unless you do?

Phil took a little longer to respond again.

**PhilipLester:** You could come over to my flat for coffee? Only if you’re comfortable with that. I won’t have my camera with me :)

Dan smiled, suddenly giddy. He didn’t want to classify it as a date, but it seemed like one to him. 

**therealcanary:** i’m fine with that, does 11 work for you?

**PhilipLester:** 11 will work fine for me. My address is 5284 Capital Dr. I’m on the 5th floor, number 506.

Dan grinned. He wasn’t sure he could smile any bigger without splitting his face open. He only had half an hour or so to get ready, but he could do it in time.

**therealcanary:** see you at 11 phil

**PhilipLester:** See you then, Dan :)

Before Dan got too excited, he texted Lanie that he would be going to Phil’s house and what the address was, because you could never be too safe, especially in his situation. After the text was delivered, Dan dropped his phone onto his bed, jumping up and nearly falling over in the process. He had a date to go to. 

  
  


\----------

  
  


Dan knocked on Phil’s door, gut clenching with nervousness. Every possible ‘what if’ was running through his head and he was overthinking every choice he had made that morning. He knew he shouldn’t be going on what was essentially a date with a paparazzo, especially at their house, but for some reason, he trusted Phil. He wouldn’t say anything too revealing anyway, just to be on the safe side. 

The door suddenly flew open, startling Dan, who jumped. Their eyes met before Dan’s eyes quickly glanced over Phil’s body. He wasn’t wearing anything particularly astounding, but Phil managed to make even an olive green sweatshirt and black jeans look good. 

Phil grinned, causing his tongue to poke out. “Hello, Dan. Would you like to come in?”

Dan matched his grin, walking in around Phil, as Phil shut the door behind him.

“Welcome to my humble abode.” He gesticulated around the living area with a sweep of his arm. “You’re probably used to much nicer conditions, but you should at least feel honoured that I cleaned for you.”

Dan chuckled, taking in Phil’s lounge and dining room. “It’s very…”

“Quaint? Childish? Nerdy? All of the above?” Phil broke in.

“No, actually. I was going to say colourful. And like a small…” His voice drifted off as he took in the sheer number of plants. “...jungle. Jesus Christ, Phil. How many houseplants do you even have?”

“I’m not quite sure. Most of them are dead anyway. I have the opposite of a green thumb.”

“Honestly, I do too. I tend to stick with succulents because I seem to have better luck with them.”

Both of them unsure of what to say next, there was a lull in the conversation. Phil coughed awkwardly. “You wanted coffee?”

“Yeah. Whatever you have is fine.”

“Well,” Phil paused, “I only have instant.”

Dan clutched his heart in fake horror. “Only instant coffee? Phil! That’s an abomination to real coffee! How could you?”

“I’m sorry,” Phil giggled, “sometimes a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. Besides, it’s good.”

“You have an awful sense of taste, but I suppose that’ll do,” Dan sighed faux disappointedly.

Phil grinned. “Well, I’m glad it will be suitable for your needs.”

Dan laughed. “It will be, thanks.”

“No problem. You can go have a seat on the sofa and I’ll make the coffee. It shouldn’t take long. It being instant coffee and all.” 

Dan walked into Phil’s lounge and sat on the far right of the comfortably worn-in sofa. His hands twitched nervously as he wrung them together, suddenly unsure of how to proceed. They seemed to be getting on pretty well and they had even been able to bant, but he was sure it wouldn’t take long before things got awkward. Dan sighed, trying to ignore his pessimistic thoughts and let his eyes wander a bit before they fell onto the Buffy boxset sitting by Phil’s tv. 

Just then, Phil walked into the lounge carrying two mugs, one Hello Kitty and one Daddy one. Dan raised his eyebrows questioningly, but when Phil simply shook his head, Dan grabbed the Hello Kitty one and proceeded to take a sip. Phil watched him, anticipating his reaction to the coffee. Dan sat there a moment, tasting the coffee before sighing in defeat.

“It’s not bad.”

Phil’s mouth opened in a grin, “See! I told you it was good!”

“Hey, I didn’t say it was good, I just said it wasn’t bad. I don’t know what you did to it, but it’s not bad.”

Phil just grinned wider, “I’m magic.”

“You’re also a major nerd.”

“Excuse me?” Phil’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

Dan pointed at the boxset. “You literally have the entire Buffy boxset.”

“Okay, well, it’s a good show!” Phil huffed, “don’t judge me.”

“Oh, I’m not. It’s a great show. But it also means you’re a nerd.”

“Touche. Would you… maybe want to watch it? I mean, we don’t have to, but we, um, can if you wanted to.”

“I haven’t actually properly watched it before, so yeah.” Dan smiled, “Let’s watch it.”

Phil smiled back at Dan and put his mug down, spinning towards the tv and putting the first disc in. 

  
  


\----------

  
  


Twelve hours later, they were finishing up with the entire first season of Buffy and had managed to not only order in Domino’s, but also eat Phil out of all of his popcorn.

Dan looked down at the time that his phone displayed and looked at Phil. “I should really get going. I have a meeting with my management tomorrow that I have to get up for at 7am. I’ll pay you back for all the food.”

“You don’t need to do that. I was eating it too.”

“Well then I guess I’ll just have to pay for it all next time.” Dan’s eyes widened, “Assuming you want to…” Dan paused, “hang out again?”

Phil smiled reassuringly, “I had a lot of fun today, Dan. Of course I’d like to do it again.”

Dan beamed, “I’ll dm you the times I’m free. Not that I don’t want to give you my number, but it’s probably for the best, no offense.”

“None taken. I would probably do the same if I were in your situation.”

Dan stood up and began walking towards the door. “I’ll see you later then, Phil.”

“Bye, Dan.” Phil did a little wave at Dan, which Dan found adorable.

Dan slipped on his shoes and walked out the door, grinning widely after he had shut the door. That was the most fun he’d had in a long time. 


	3. Chapter 3

The two talked constantly over dm throughout the next few weeks, eventually being able to meet up twice. Those two times they hung out were nothing special, simply them hanging out at Phil’s flat. The first time they played Mario Kart for hours on end, forgetting about food and time until it was well into the night, and the next time playing Animal Crossing and helping the other create and build their islands. However, every time they hung out only fueled the tiny flame in Dan’s heart even more. After the second night, it took Dan a while to fall asleep that night, his mind racing and running through the time he had spent with Phil. He couldn’t get it out of his mind, and when he did drift off to sleep, he was seeing blue eyes squinted into a grin.

He couldn’t focus on a meeting he had the next morning either, mind occupied with things it definitely shouldn’t have been, but he couldn’t help it. He was only a man after all. But he knew that he couldn’t wait any longer to dm Phil. He really sucked at playing it cool. The minute he got home and set his stuff down he reached for his phone and sent a dm to Phil, asking if Phil was free later this afternoon, to which Phil replied that he was. 

Dan was completely fine with hanging out at Phil’s flat, but he wanted to hang out with him somewhere else. Unbeknownst to Phil, Dan was planning on taking him to a surprise location. Even though it was a rainy, dismal day, there would still be quite a few people so unfortunately, this meant that they would need to have a bodyguard with them, which would spoil the mood. Not that there even was a mood, of course.

Dan showed up at Phil’s flat shortly after noon and they greeted each other with matching grins. “I don’t really have any plans, but we could just hang out and watch Netflix, if you’d like.” Phil shrugged.

“Netflix and Chill, eh? You mad lad,” Dan smirked when Phil reddened, “I’m joking, I actually have a surprise for you. Are you down?”

Phil raised his eyebrows in question, “A surprise?”

“Mhm,” Dan nodded, “And it’s somewhere public, so I’m required to have a bodyguard. I know it’s not the most ideal, but I wanted to make sure you were okay with it.”

“I don’t mind, but where are we going?” He asked.

“I can’t tell you that, you knob. I think you’ll like it though.”

Phil frowned in indignance but followed Dan out the door, locking it up before following him out to the car that was waiting for them with the bodyguard inside. It didn’t take long for them to get there, but in that short time, Phil had already charmed the seemingly steely bodyguard. Dan rolled his eyes and turned to look out the window as the two chatted and laughed together, but was drawn back to the conversation when Phil pressed his shoulder into Dan’s, giving him a knowing smile that eased Dan’s jealousy.

As they started getting closer, Dan covered Phil’s eyes with his own hands, not trusting Phil to keep his eyes shut, and he helped Phil out of the car with a gentle hand on his elbow. He knew he had to be careful, especially in a public place, but he couldn’t help it. He gave Phil a countdown from three, then dropped his hand.

Phil blinked, adjusting to the change in light, then gasped when his eyes focused, “Oh Dan! It’s the zoo!”

Dan smiled nervously, “I wasn’t sure if you would like it, but I figured it was worth a shot. But if you don’t like it, we could always-” He stopped abruptly, blinking in surprise when Phil reached out and booped his nose.

“Dan, I love the zoo.” He smiled reassuringly.

Dan let out a small sigh of relief before returning Phil’s smile. “Should we get on then?” He waited for Phil’s nod to start walking. They walked through the front gate to get the tickets, which Dan quickly paid for before Phil could get there. They had just made it to the lion exhibit before a young teenage girl came up to them, mouth agape. 

“Oh my god, you’re the Canary!” She gasped, fumbling to get her phone out of her pocket. “Do you mind if we have a picture?”

Dan smiled his celebrity smile, holding his hand out for the phone. “Not at all, what’s your name?”

“Maia,” She blurted out, before smiling to the camera that Dan was holding up for the two of them to get a selfie. After Dan handed her phone back, she began eagerly rambling about how grateful she was for his music and thanking him for everything. Dan stood there, hands in his pockets, nodding along and smiling widely and thanking her as he had done to thousands of people before her, and she eventually thanked him one last time before heading off on her own direction. 

Dan walked closer to Phil, who had been observing the lions during that time and softly bumped his hip into Phil’s before moving away to a more acceptable distance. “I’m sorry.”

Phil turned to him and frowned, “Dan, it’s not your fault. Don’t apologize for that. I don’t mind.”

Dan bit his bottom lip, watching Phil track the movement, “Are you sure?”

“Look how excited they are to see you! I don’t mind, honest. But hey, I have a fun fact for you. Did you know that lions sleep for an average of 20 hours a day?”

Dan looked around at the signs surrounding the exhibit, “Did you read that on a sign somewhere?”

“No, I just had that in my brain.”

Dan let out an involuntary snort, “Do you have any more?”

“Oh, I have so many animal facts, would you like to hear some more?”

“Of course I would.”

Phil beamed, and Dan couldn’t help but smile back. They continued on the path throughout the zoo, stopping by the various exhibits to admire the animals that were out and having Phil tell dozens of animal facts that he knew off the top of his head. They were near the end now, and had only encountered two other fans and no paparazzi, which Dan considered a win in his books. They were behind the rhesus monkey exhibit, which was devoid of any other zoo-goers and Phil was rattling off a fact about rhesus monkeys when he stopped mid-fact and scowled, turning to Dan. 

“You’ve let me talk this whole time about animals, why didn’t you stop me? You’re probably so bored.”

“Phil, you’re the most interesting person. I love everything about you, nothing you ever say could be boring.” Dan paused, unsure if he should have said that. Phil smiled, then reached out and intertwined his pinky with Dan’s own. Dan froze for a moment, acutely aware of his bodyguard that was standing a few feet away, but relaxed when Phil squeezed their fingers. It was okay. Phil let go a moment later and Dan felt a strange ache in his chest that likely had something to do with the lack of Phil. 

They made their way out of the zoo and back to the car, where Dan and Phil squeezed next to each other in the backseat. It was a few minutes through the trip back and Dan looked down to see Phil’s hand resting a hair away from his on the seat. He wasn’t sure if it was intentional or not, but Phil had initiated it earlier, so Dan knew it was okay. He allowed his pinky to close the distance, wrapping it around Phil’s, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding when Phil tightened the grip. 


	4. Chapter 4

During the next few weeks, Dan and Phil began to hang out frequently - almost every time that Dan had a few free hours would instead be spent with Phil. As Dan began to trust Phil, the two eventually exchanged numbers and had started to alternate between hanging out at Dan’s flat and Phil’s. After that day at the zoo, nothing had progressed further than friends, and Dan felt a stirring of dissatisfaction. Sure, their linking of pinkies could have meant something, but Dan figured it was more likely that Phil was just reassuring him and it was a friendly gesture. 

It was a few days later when he was over at Phil’s flat and the two were sprawled out on opposite sides of the couch. They had started watching a movie an hour or so ago, and in that time, Phil had managed to fall asleep clutching one of his throw pillows. It was when Dan looked over at him that he realized truly how beautiful his best friend was and felt the flame that had been growing suddenly burst into a fire of adoration and passion.

Dan stared at Phil, admiring the slope of his nose, and the way his quiff had begun to droop down onto his forehead, and his prominent Cupid’s bow, and the way his chest slowly raised and lowered with each puff of breath. Phil began to stir, but Dan continued to stare, watching his friend come to consciousness. It was only when blue eyes came into contact with his own that Dan realized he was still staring. His eyes quickly snapped away, but Phil’s continued to linger until Dan met his eyes again. They looked at each other in loaded silence, communicating with their eyes what each felt they couldn’t verbally tell to the other. 

The tension was so thick that Dan felt he was struggling to breathe. Eventually, he couldn’t take it anymore. “Phil.” His voice came out barely a whisper. 

Phil’s voice came out as more of an exhale, just as quiet. “Dan?” He set the pillow on the couch beside him and placed a warm, heavy hand on Dan’s knee.

With that, Dan’s self restraint crumbled and he leant towards Phil, pressing their lips together and briefly feeling Phil’s soft warm lips, unmoving against his.  _ Unmoving _ . Shit. Dan leapt back as if Phil lips had burned him. The two stared wide eyed at each other, frozen for a moment before Dan jumped off the couch in a frenzy. 

“I’m… sorry, I’ve got to go.” He tugged his shoes on and yanked his cap off the peg by the door. “I just remembered that my friend was expecting me ‘round for his birthday.” He turned one last time to look at Phil, who was still frozen in shock on the couch, before opening the door. Just as it slammed shut behind him, he heard Phil shout something, but it only fueled him to run away. Run far away, and not to his flat, because Phil would go straight there. So instead he ran onto a secluded road, where he took out his phone to make a call. It rang a few times before the person on the other side picked up. 

“Dan! Hey! I haven’t heard from you in a while. What’s up?”

“I need somewhere to stay for a few days. I know this is very short notice but I really need your help.”

“Oh. I mean, of course we’ll have you. But do you need help right now? Do you want me to call 999?”

“No, I’m alright, it’s nothing like that, I just… it’s a long story. Can I tell you when I get there?”

“Yeah, do you need a ride?”

“I’m only a few minutes away and I can get there by back roads. Thank you so much, Lanie.”

“Don’t worry about it. Goodbye, Dan.”

“G’bye, I’ll see you soon.”

Dan hung up and took a deep breath before powering off his phone and starting to Lanie’s house. 

  
  


\----------

  
  


Soon, Dan was standing in front of the gate to Lanie’s house and pressing the buzzer. The iron clad gate slowly swung open, granting him access and he made his way to the front door, where Lanie and her girlfriend were stood awaiting him. 

Dan and Lanie exchanged a warm hug. “It’s good to see you again!” Lanie laughed. 

“It has been awhile,” Dan conceded. 

“Dan, this is my girlfriend, Jules. Jules, this is my friend and coworker, Dan.” Lanie introduced the two, looking pleased when they gave each other a smile and a tentative hug. 

“I’ve heard a lot about you, Jules.”

She laughed, “Likewise. Hopefully all good things?” 

“Woah, who do you take me for?” Lanie broke in, faking a hurt expression. 

“You never know, with you.” Jules joked. 

Lanie flipped her off goodnaturedly before turning to Dan, “How about we go in and get you settled and then you can tell us what’s got you wanting our help.” Lanie suggested. 

They showed Dan to the guest bedroom, which Dan found to be very pristine and light coloured, unlike his home. 

They made their way around the house, giving Dan a quick tour before making their way to the living room, where they all settled on the couches that adorned the room. 

“Now, Dan. What’s the reason that you’ve decided to pop over with no baggage but your phone and the clothes on your back?” Lanie asked. 

Dan hesitated a moment, “You know Phil?”

Lanie’s eyes widened, “If I’m not mistaken, that’s the pap we met a few months ago? The one that you went on a date with?” 

Dan bit his lip nervously, nodding his head. “So we’ve been talking a lot. Like a lot. And we’ve been hanging out and are really good friends now. I’ve known for a while that I liked him, but today I acted on it and did something stupid.” He paused to look at Lanie and Jules, but they kept their faces still, waiting to see where the story led. Dan took a big breath then began blurting out his story. “I kissed him, and he didn’t kiss me back and I can’t deal with him rejecting me like that, because I know he’ll come after me to tell me that he doesn’t feel the same and that we can’t be friends anymore, and I can’t bear that. I like him a lot and now I know there’s meaning to it. It’s not just lust now, because I know him. I know that he’s too nice for his own good and that he’s got the most creative mind and that he has so much passion for everything, and that…”

Lanie leant forward to bridge the gap between the two sofas and placed her hand on his leg. “Dan, love, no offense or anything, but why are you telling this to us? Shouldn’t you be telling this to Phil?”

Dan’s face morphed into one of slight horror, “I can’t tell him all this, are you joking? He would laugh at me and tell me to get out of his sight.”

“From what you’ve told us about this Phil guy, he doesn’t seem like the type of person to do that.” Jules shrugged. 

“Okay, so maybe he wouldn’t laugh at me but he still wouldn’t want to hang out with me anymore.” Dan pouted. 

“And what makes you think that?” Jules asked, “That’s a genuine question. Has he given any signs that show he’s definitely not interested in you?”

Dan paused again, their locked pinkies coming to mind “Well… no. But I just know he doesn’t like me like that.”

“You’ll never know unless you sit down and have a conversation about it with him. Even if he doesn’t feel the same, you need to have closure.” Jules sighed, “Believe me, it may not be great at the moment but it’s important for you to move on.”

Lanie nudged Jules, “Give him some time to process everything. The poor man needs some time to think.”

Dan looked between the two before answering. “If it’s okay with you guys, I think I’m gonna stay here for a day or so and just gather my thoughts. And then I’ll go face him.”

“Of course that’s okay, you’re welcome to stay here as long as you’d like.” Lanie gave him a comforting smile. 

The three of them stood up and exchanged light hugs. 

“I’m going to get started on dinner. Pasta, is that alright with you, Dan?” Lanie asked. 

“‘Course, anything is fine with me.”

“Well in that case, I’ll get started, and you can entertain yourself.” Lanie smirked, “In whatever way you want that to mean.”

Dan flipped her off, laughing, “I actually think I’m going to take a nap.”

“We’ll wake you when dinner’s ready.”

Dan headed back to his temporary room and slid off his shoes, pulling his phone out of his pocket. He stared at it for a moment too long with a conflicted grimace on his face, before tossing it onto the floor by his shoes and climbing into the bed. It didn’t take long for Dan’s eyelids to grow heavy and his tensed muscles to relax as he drifted off to sleep.

  
  


\----------

  
  


By the time Dan woke up, it was a few hours later, and well into the night. He felt well rested, but his stomach growled, reminding him that he was supposed to have eaten long ago. He groaned, rolling out of bed before grabbing his phone and making his way down the dimly lit hallway to the kitchen, where he found a note on the handle of the fridge. He picked it up and began to read it softly to himself. 

_ ‘Dan, we went to wake you but you were in such a deep sleep that we figured we should just let you rest. The rest of the spaghetti is in here, feel free to warm it up in the microwave.’ _

He folded the note in half and stuck it in his pocket before opening the fridge and pulling out the plate of spaghetti. He stuck it in the microwave and set the time for a few minutes. His first instinct was to scroll through social media while he waited for the food to be done, but when he hit the power button, only to remember why he had turned his phone off in the first place, it was too late. He stood, conflicted on whether or not to go on his phone, but his blatant curiosity won out. 

When his lock screen flashed on, showing Dan the notifications he had received, he groaned. A message from his mum asking when he was going to come back home to visit, three messages from Benny telling him about various promotional things Dan’s label had booked him for, four missed calls from Phil, and twelve messages from Phil. He responded to his mum, telling her he could come back in a few weeks when he was available, and added the dates from Benny to his calendar, before staring at the ‘12’ next to Phil’s contact picture. He almost tapped on the messages but stopped himself at the last second. He would have no idea what to respond, and he couldn’t leave him on read. And there was also the fact that he couldn’t bear to look at what Phil had sent him in the first place. A series of piercing beeps from the microwave startled him out of his trance and he powered off his phone again before slipping it in his pocket and taking the steaming plate of pasta out of the microwave. He sighed. This was going to be a long few days. 


	5. Chapter 5

The next two days at Lanie’s house passed similarly for Dan, and they consisted mainly of stress eating, watching way too many seasons of Love Island, and trying to sort out his feelings and what he could say to Phil. Eventually, he came up with something semi-okay to apologize for his actions and ask Phil to continue being his friend, and Dan decided it was time. He pried himself off the couch and turned off the TV to go find Lanie and Jules in the backyard, where they were tidying up their landscaping. He cleared his throat to get their attention, and they both turned around, smiling as they saw him. 

“Hey, what’s up?” Lanie asked, brushing the dirt off from her gloves.

Dan took a deep breath, exhaling his sentence in one quick breath. “I’m gonna talk to him.”

Lanie and Jules both blinked in surprise before grinning bigger. “I’m proud of you, Dan. Just be honest and tell him everything you want him to know,” Jules said.

Lanie nodded, “And if it goes well, I expect a phone call with all the details. If it doesn’t, well, we’re here for you.”

Dan smiled gratefully with a touch of nervousness, “Thanks guys. I’ll let you know what happens.”

The two girls stood up and took their turns giving Dan tight hugs, trying to give him some confidence. “You’ve got this.” Lanie grinned.

Dan smiled back before grabbing his phone and jacket and heading out into the crisp fall air. He just really hoped that Phil would understand.

  
  


\----------

  
  


The eight minute walk to Phil’s flat was much too short, so Dan decided to walk around the block a few more times before he psyched himself up enough to enter the building. He had never been more relieved that Phil’s building didn’t have a buzzer system in order to get to his flat. He took the elevator up to the fifth floor, fidgeting with his hands and fixing and re-fixing his hair the whole way. He stopped in front of Phil’s door, nerves bouncing around in his head like a pinball machine that’s been sped up. Before he could back out, he knocked in quick succession on Phil’s door. The second after his hand left the wood, he began overthinking.  _ He probably doesn’t want to talk to you. He thinks you’re weird and a creep,  _ and  _ god, why is he taking so long? Maybe he’s not even home, you idiot, he could be out with friends or at work. You should’ve at least called or something to make sure he would be home.  _ Dan was just about to turn around and walk away when the door opened, revealing Phil’s face that quickly turned from neutral to astonished. 

“Dan?” He blurted out, eyes wide.

Dan’s eyes flicked over Phil’s body, taking in his pajama pants and Friends t-shirt, his glasses slightly askew on his face, his quiff somehow perfect as ever, and a slight stubble beginning on his cheeks. The only thing that looked off about Phil at the moment was his bloodshot eyes, paired with purpling bags. “Hi, I’m… um, can we talk? If you want to?”

Phil stared at him in silence for a moment too long before finally blinking and nodding vigorously. “Yeah, of course. Come in. It’s a little, um… messy, sorry about that.”

Dan followed Phil in, feeling oddly formal about the whole thing. As if he didn’t usually walk in whenever he felt like it. Phil shut the door behind him and began walking over to the sofa, where Dan followed, sitting down on the opposite end. They looked at each other, unsure of where to start.

“Listen, I…” Dan started, as Phil blurted out, “You made me…” 

They both laughed, slightly awkwardly. “You go first.” Dan insisted.

Phil frowned, about to protest, but gave in. “You made me really scared. When you ran off and didn’t say anything. You never responded to my calls or texts, and I went to your flat twice and you weren’t there either time. I had no way to know if you were okay or to properly apologize.”

Dan felt a wave of guilt wash over him. “I’m really sorry, Phil. I should have responded, at least to let you know I was okay. I didn’t mean to leave you worried, that’s the last thing I would want.” Dan paused, frowning. “But what could you possibly need to properly apologize for?”

Phil pinkened, glancing down at the couch before looking back up at Dan. “What happened,” he gesticulated between the two of them, “between us.”

“Why would you… I should… it was me who kissed you!” Dan realized it was time for his speech he had been mentally preparing, “I’m sorry for putting you in an uncomfortable position when you don’t feel the same, and I never should have done it, even though I can’t make myself regret it. Honestly, these past few days have been hell without you, and I kept replaying the kiss, and… fuck, I wasn’t supposed to say that. But I…” He trailed off, unsure of where he was going to go with this. He had a whole thing planned out, but now that it was actually happening, his mind was blank. 

“Dan, you’re an idiot, you know that?”

Dan blinked in surprise, “I’m sorry?”

Suddenly Dan was cut off by Phil’s lips pressing into his, warm and slightly frantic. Dan froze in shock before relaxing into the kiss, placing his hands gently on the concave of Phil’s neck, thumbs grazing his jawline and smiling into the kiss when he felt Phil’s hands come to rest on his hips. 

They lazily made out for a few seconds before Phil deepened the kiss, nibbling at Dan’s bottom lip. Dan parted his lips, allowing Phil’s tongue to slip into Dan’s mouth. They were both greatly enjoying the kiss; Dan could feel the blood rushing south, and when Phil swung his leg over Dan’s so he was straddling him, Dan was able to feel Phil’s excitement, and he let out a squeak that turned into a soft moan, kissing Phil harder. It must’ve been this noise that startled Phil to reality and caused him to reluctantly break the kiss off.

Phil rested his forehead against Dan’s, before huffing out a soft giggle, “We should probably talk about this.”

Dan sighed, but let a noise of compliance escape, letting Phil know he was on board..

Phil seemed to sober up then, “I’m sorry, but you’re shit at communicating. You literally just ran out. I thought we were good enough friends that you can talk to me. Even if I didn’t feel the same, I wouldn’t have just… sent you away. You’re my best friend, Dan.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I just panicked. My brain took ahold of me and I couldn’t escape the thought that there was no way you could like me.” He froze, almost indistinctly, before blurting out his next sentence. “You do… do you… so tell me if I’m wrong, but I think we’ve established that we both like each other?” Dan paused, stammering out the last part that came to his mind. “Unless, um… you don’t? Like me, that is? And just wanted a quick fuck right now or something.”

Phil snorted, eyes widening in regret when he saw Dan’s face fall. “No, I… Jesus, Dan, you mean so much more to me than a one-time thing. I do like you, you absolute idiot.” Phil suddenly blushed, “I like you a lot, actually.”

Dan grinned widely, overjoyed. “Good, cause I know someone that likes you a lot too, and his name starts with ‘D’ and ends with ‘an’.”

“Dylan?” Phil furrowed his brows in faux concentration.

Dan let out a short cackle and rolled his eyes, shoving Phil off his lap simultaneously. “Shut up, you nerd.”

Phil began laughing, his tongue poking out through his teeth, before climbing back on Dan’s lap. He leaned in, gently poking Dan’s nose with his own. “Hey, Dan?”

“Hey, Phil?”

“D’you think we could maybe be together?”

Dan searched Phil’s eyes, “Like… as boyfriends together?”

Phil nodded, “If you wanted, that is.”

Dan slowly nodded, before gently smirking. “I reckon that would be pretty great.”

Phil beamed, “Good, cause I think so too.” He pressed a kiss to the tip of Dan’s nose, then his forehead, and then his mouth. “That means we can keep kissing now, right?”

Dan didn’t bother with an answer, instead choosing to reconnect their lips.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i created playlists specifically for this fic, so i would love if you could check them out! :) (dan’s album will be in this chapter, with other playlists to come later)
> 
> dan’s album: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/50cxoYESHfCDD2SquqiTsg

Dan and Phil hadn’t been spending as much time with each other as they would have liked. Three months had gone by and Phil was practically living at Dan’s flat by now, with nearly half of his belongings over there, but he was busy with his work. On the other hand, Dan was working hard on getting his album perfected before it could be released to the public. Tonight was the night that the album would finally be released, and Phil had listened to the album a few hours before the rest of the world, on the promise that he would stay completely silent about the subject. 

“It doesn’t sound like you, Dan.”

“What do you mean, it doesn’t sound like me?” Dan chuckled, “I’m singing and there’s no autotune.”

Phil looked at him with a sad, almost disappointed expression, “You know what I mean.”

Dan dropped his act and sighed, “Yeah, I know. But I’ve already made it, and my fans are excited about it. My five-year contract with my label is ending in a few days, and I guess they wanted to get one last album out of me, so I figure why not? I’ve already made all the songs anyway and put so much work into all of them, it seems like a waste not to release it.”

“But it’s not something you love. You shouldn’t put anything out that you’re not satisfied with.”

Dan frowned, “I can put out whatever I please!”

Phil blinked, startled, before visibly wilting, “Sorry, of course you can.”

Dan sighed, quickly deflating, “No, don’t apologize, please don’t apologize. You’re right, I shouldn’t put out anything that I’m not happy with. I’m sorry, Phil, I’m just under a lot of stress right now.”

Phil sighed as well, stepping forward to wrap his arms around Dan’s neck, leaning his head against Dan’s chest. “I know you are, how about some Dominos and a movie night? I’ll even give you a massage.”

Dan let out a strangled laugh, eyes beginning to water, “I don’t deserve you.”

“Yes you do, stop that. Now you get into your pyjamas and pick out something to watch while I get our order in. Then we can watch the movie and wait to see everyone’s reaction to your album.”

Dan went into the living room and turned the TV on, scrolling through his favorites on Netflix before settling on ‘My Friend Totoro’ and plopping down on the sofa. Moments later, Phil came in and sat next to Dan, wrapping his arm around the younger man’s shoulders. 

“I ordered the usual, it should be here in ten minutes or so, they said. Until then we can watch some of…” Phil looked at the TV to see what Dan had picked, “Totoro, and I can start your massage.”

Dan hummed in agreement and moved himself to the floor, positioning himself between Phil’s knees.

Phil worked through the knots in Dan’s back and shoulders for some time before the doorbell rang, startling them out of their stupor. 

“I’ll get it, be right back.” Phil said.

He got up and walked over to the door, getting the pizza, nuggets, chips, cookies, and, of course, all the dips. He set the stack down on the coffee table and went back into the kitchen, pouring the two of them each a considerate amount of red wine and bringing that into the living room as well.

Dan had moved himself back to the sofa and already arranged his dips in front of him, as well as opening up all of the boxes. Phil sat down so their thighs were touching and they both dug into the meal while enjoying the movie. 

  
  


\----------

  
  


An hour and a half later, the movie was finishing up and it was almost time for Dan’s album to be released.

“Five minutes, how are you feeling?”

Dan looked at him from their cuddling position and sighed, “Honestly? Kind of nervous. I don’t know if people will like it. Hell, I don’t even like it. And neither do you.”

“I do like it, it’s an insanely good album, it’s just not your music.”

“Well after my contract ends, I can make my music, but for right now, I hope they’re satisfied with this.”

Phil didn’t respond, just began threading his fingers through Dan’s hair for the next few minutes.

It hit 00:00 and Dan reluctantly sat up and grabbed his phone, tweeting out a simple tweet about how his album is now out around the world and began refreshing the page to see what people had to say about it.

**_julie! (@capriciouzcanarie)_ **

_ loving the ep! all the songs are so relatable yet so beautiful! _

**_ANNA LOVES DANIEL (@canaryboye)_ **

_ SDFNKSJSKS NEW MUSIC I CANT WAIT TO LISTEN _

**_noahhh (@juicycranaryberry)_ **

_ haven’t gotten through it all yet but so far, amazing as always <3 _

“They seem to be liking it.” Phil murmured over Dan’s shoulder.

Dan nodded, “Yeah, they do. It’s a shame that I don’t.”

Phil sighed, “Not much longer, Dan.” He paused to press a soft kiss to Dan’s neck, “A few days more and you’re free.”

The two stayed up for another hour scrolling through Twitter looking at reactions before Dan tweeted out his gratitude for everyone’s love on the album and headed off to bed. 

  
  


\----------

  
  


Throughout the next four days, Dan had received many emails from his label regarding the renewal of his contract, but he kept adamantly refusing until they had no choice but to let his contract run out. Dan had a plan for a while that he wanted to make new music, but was stuck on how he would actually do so (he was no producer after all), until he suddenly remembered Lanie’s commend that she had made during their music video shoot about Jules being an editor. He had gotten ahold of Lanie before he went to sleep that night, who had talked it over with Jules and said that she would love to help Dan produce new music, so they had set up a time to meet tomorrow.

It was the morning after his contract had finally run out and Dan woke up with a smile on his face, happier than he had been in a while. He twisted himself out of Phil’s grip on his waist and turned over. He began peppering kisses all over Phil’s face, who woke up with a disgruntled huff, squinting his eyes and turning to look at Dan.

Dan grinned at him, “Morning.”

Phil’s voice was gravely with sleep, “Morning to you too. What’s got you so happy this morning?”

“My contract’s ended.”

Phil’s eyes widened and he seemed to wake up more. “Oh my god, you’re right. Congrats Dan. What’re we going to do to celebrate?”

Dan’s grin turned to a smirk and he winked, “I have some ideas, but first, I really want to start making new music.”

Phil nodded, smiling. “I know how much you want to make music that’s completely yours, so go on. Make your music, Dan. But I expect to see those ideas you’ve got for us to celebrate when you get home.”

Dan grinned again, “Thank you for understanding. Then I’ll see you when I get back home and I’ll show you how I plan to celebrate.”

  
  


\----------

  
  


Dan got ready and twenty minutes later was hailing a taxi to get to Lanie and Jules’ house. He greeted both of them with hugs when he got in, and from there it was down to business with him and Jules. 

“So, I can write the songs and sing and play the instruments I’ll need, and I have good microphones to record the songs with, but I’ll need your help to edit everything together. And I’ll need to record it all here, since I don’t want Phil hearing any of it.”

“They’re for him then? The songs?”

“Yeah, that’s the only way I can truly express how I feel, and I want him to know the extent of my love for him.”

She smirked at him, “God you’re cheesy.” She nodded at him then, “You can record here and I’ll help you edit. I’m sure Lanie won’t mind seeing you more often.”

Dan laughed, “Fair enough. Is it okay if I’m alone for the whole writing part? It helps me think better.” 

“‘Course, you can go in the study. It’s down the hall on the left. It’s soundproof so it should work well enough. Lanie and I will be around if you need anything.”

“Thanks again, Jules. This is a huge help.” He went into the last room on the left and began writing a new song, the lyrics and melodies flowing easily from his brain onto paper. He was so focused on writing that he didn’t keep track of the time, and startled when Jules knocked before coming in, announcing that it was nearing 18:00. 

Dan startled, “Jeez, I lost track of time. I’ve written all the lyrics I want, so I just need to get the instrumental parts the next time I come here. Is it alright if I stop by again tomorrow?”

“We don’t have anything going on as of right now, but I’ll let you know if anything changes. Same time again?”

“Same time,” Dan confirmed. He said his goodbyes to Lanie and Jules, leaving his notebook filled with the lyrics at their house, not wanting Phil to stumble upon it at their flat, and took a taxi back.

When Dan returned, he apologized to Phil for being gone so long, but Phil didn’t seem to mind, greeting Dan with a hug and a chaste kiss, but Dan had other plans in mind, meaning to make his promise from earlier that day come true. 

  
  


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The next few weeks continued in a similar fashion, with Dan going to Lanie and Jules’ house every day to either write songs, sing, or play the instruments needed to make his songs complete. Every few days was a new song with new sounds and a new way to express his love to Phil. Dan didn’t think he had ever been able to produce songs this fast. This was the first time in almost five years that he had felt inspired to make music, and purely because they were songs that actually meant something to him. He got so excited about the prospect of it all that he tweeted that he had new music that he was looking forward to releasing shortly after his tour was done, loving to give his fans a tease.

Eventually, the curiosity got to Phil and he asked Dan about the songs. “Dan, could I maybe hear some of the songs?” He dragged out a “Please?” before continuing. “I want to hear what you’ve been loving to create recently. You seem so happy about them.”

Dan grimaced, “I’m sorry, Phil. These ones you can’t hear until they come out.”

Phil’s brows furrowed as his face morphed into one of confusion. “Why?”

With this, Dan gave a hesitant smile, “You’ll see. But I promise you’ll love them.”

Phil huffed out a sigh. “But this is the first time you’ve been excited about your job. You’ve been excited to go to work.”

“I know, but please just trust me.” Dan sighed, pausing before he changed the subject. “Hey, how’s your job been going? We haven’t really talked about you lately, it’s sort of been all about me. Sorry about that. I’ve been a bit of a shit boyfriend.”

“You’re not a bad boyfriend, stop that. You’ve just been focusing on what makes you happy. But my job has been… okay. I still hate doing it. It makes me feel kind of… dirty, you know? Like I’m invading people’s privacy.”

“Why don’t you quit then? Do you know how many places would take you? Especially with your skills? Hell, you could even become self employed and find so many jobs, and work on your own time.”

At this, Phil looked slightly ill, “Yeah, but… I’ve never known anything other than that company. I’m not sure I would know what to do without working for them.”

“Just quit, Phil. Give them your two weeks notice and then you can start enjoying your job. Look how happy I am after I quit working for the people that made me feel worthless.”

Phil’s voice became scarily even, “I’m not like you, Dan. This whole situation is hard for me. I don’t like change, okay?” His voice suddenly lost its hardness and dropped to an almost whisper. “I’m scared, Dan.”

Dan’s shoulders dropped from their uptight, tense position and he leant towards Phil, wrapping him up in his arms. “God, I’m an insensitive bitch. It’s hard for you, I know. I’m sorry. I just know you could be so much happier.”

“You’re not insensitive, Dan, you just want what’s best for me. I know I could be happier, and I promise I will quit sometime.”

“Soon?”

A sigh, “Soon.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dan’s ep: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/53oTFFFt5cF5yWBNwxcJVL

Dan hadn’t been doing great mental health wise. It came randomly, seemingly whenever it felt like it wanted to ruin Dan’s life. Unfortunately, it had decided to visit this week, causing Dan to be more pessimistic and feel as though friends and family didn’t really like him nor want him there and were just wanting for the moment to tell him that their love was just a hoax.

Even though it was a few weeks after their last conversation about Phil quitting his job, he had yet to do so and Dan was getting increasingly frustrated but was trying to be supportive of Phil no matter what. Dan was in the other room trying to work up the energy to put the final touches on his songs, unbeknownst to Phil, who was sat on the couch staring at the email he had received a while back that had started it all. The email that his boss had sent him telling him to get pictures of Dan. He had been staring at it for a while, too long probably, trying to debate the pros and cons of staying with his job. Yes, it had gotten him Dan, but at the same time, it was in a sleazy way, and he still felt awful about capturing pictures of people when they least expected it. He wanted to get their good moments, their good sides, not sneakily taking them when they were just trying to live their life, or even having a bad day. 

“Phil?” Dan called out from the other room, startling Phil and causing him to slam his laptop screen closed.

Phil let out a squeak, “Yeah?”

“Can you get me some ibuprofen? My head’s killing me.”

“‘Course.” Phil went to the medicine cabinet and got out a few pills, bringing them to Dan, along with a glass of water. “I’ll make dinner too, do you have a preference?”

“I’m not really hungry.”

“You’re gonna eat something, whether it’s something you choose or I choose.”

Dan glared at Phil, thinking for a moment before answering. “Enchiladas sound good.”

Phil grinned triumphantly, “I’m feeling productive tonight, so I’ll make a quick trip to get the stuff we need for enchiladas and make them.”

While Phil was out at Waitrose, Dan messed around with his songs for half an hour before he needed to use the toilet. He pried himself out of bed and after relieving himself, grabbed Phil’s laptop that they always watched Netflix on together in bed and settled himself back down, opening up the laptop to pick out a show. When the screen lit up, Dan was intrigued. It was, from the looks of it, an old email from Phil’s boss. Maybe Phil was thinking about quitting? Hope grew in Dan’s chest, but as he continued to read the email, his heart sank, and then walls that he had previously knocked down began to re-form. It was at this moment that Dan heard the door handle rattle from a key and footsteps entering, as well as the familiar cheerful humming from Phil. He quietly shut the laptop, with the utmost calmness before standing up and walking into the kitchen, where Phil was beginning to unbag the ingredients. “Phil.”

Phil turned around, a smile on his face. “Yeah? What’s up?”

Dan just stared at him, causing Phil’s smile to droop. “What’s that email about?”

It took him a second, but suddenly Phil’s smile dropped completely and his eyes widened. “Shit, Dan, I…”

“I don’t want any excuses either. Was that the reason you wanted to get to know me more? To be my friend, to be my… boyfriend? You wanted to get information? Are you even planning on quitting your job or is this just a ruse, just some line you keep feeding me?”

Phil stood there, shellshocked, mouth agape. “I… what? No, I just… I didn’t mean…” He broke off, unsure of how to explain.

Dan let out a frustrated cry and slammed his fist on the counter. “I broke away from my label but you can’t quit your job? Why is that so fucking difficult?” The moment that left his mouth, Dan knew he had made a mistake. The fight left his body, and he opened his mouth to apologize, but stopped when he saw Phil.

Phil’s eyes widened with hurt before glazing over, emotionless. “That was a low blow, Dan.”

Dan flinched, “Fuck, I’m so sorry. That was a shitty thing for me to say. I… think I need some time alone. I’m not myself right now, and I need some time to rethink things and get myself together. And I don’t know that I can trust you. This is a serious thing for me, seeing that email. Do you know how many times people have tried to get close to me to get my money or get in the spotlight or get information?”

“You’re right, you’re not yourself, but you’re also being really unfair right now. You need to give me a chance to explain before you go running away again.”

Dan took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “I just… I don't think we can do this right now. Phil, I think you should go.”

Phil froze, unblinking, “Go?”

“I think I need space. Take what you need now and go. I won’t be home tomorrow, so you can come get the rest of your stuff later.”

“Are you… breaking up with me?” Phil’s voice broke.

“A break? Yes. I think we need some time apart. A break up? I don’t know. It depends on if we can each sort things out. We can meet up later down the road and if we still feel the same, we can work something out, but for now, I don’t think this is working.”

Phil’s mouth opened and closed a few times, before he was finally able to splutter out a sentence. “But Dan? I can explain, please. I can stay at my parent’s house for a few days if you need space, just… please. Don’t do this.”

A single tear slid out from Dan’s closed eyes. “Don’t make this harder than it already is, Phil, please.” Dan couldn’t bear to open his eyes and look at Phil.

Phil let out a choked sob and walked into their bedroom, trying to retain his dignity while silently closing the door. Dan could hear Phil sobbing through the thin walls, and the sound of the closet door let him know that Phil was throwing some of his things together. Dan felt tears of his own streaming down his face and went into the guest bedroom to curl under the sheets and sob, only pausing to hold his breath when he heard Phil go out of their bedroom and make his way through the hallway before Dan heard the front door open and then close softly with a resounding click. Dan held out a moment before he broke down into messy crying, hugging his legs tightly to his chest. Dan didn’t regret many decisions in his life, because they all led him to be where he is today and the person he is today, but this is one decision he already knows was a mistake.

  
  


\----------

  
  


Dan had a mandatory meeting that he was forced to attend the next day, but luckily it only lasted just over an hour, and he spent the rest of the day, as well as the next few days crying and purposefully ignoring his laptop that contained all of his songs for Phil. He couldn’t bring himself to eat or shower or do anything, really. Phil hadn’t tried to contact him yet, although Jules had asked where the last song was, to which Dan gave no reply. He found himself in a constant state of worry for Phil, wondering if he was alright, if he had gone back to his old flat or maybe to his parent’s house. It was on the third day that Dan got a single text from Phil, saying that he had forgotten that he still had Dan’s flat key and could send it through the post. Somehow, that single dry, formal message only wanting to return something shared hurt more than if Phil had left dozens of messages about how much he was missing Dan and wanted him back. He had called Lanie to tell her that he and Phil had broken up, and she asked if he needed to talk, but he turned her down, thanking her for her offer and saying he just wanted her to be aware as to why he wasn’t responding to Jules.

It was also at this point that Dan remembered the first time himself and Phil had exchanged their first ‘I-Love-Yous’.

  
  


\----------

  
  


_ Dan had wanted their first time together right away, but Phil wanted them to wait so it would be more romantic. He certainly delivered when Dan had arrived in their room to dimly lit candles and a soft piano track playing. He had teased Phil for it, of course, but they both knew Dan loved it. They were both in agreement that they wanted their first time to be slow and loving, rather than quick, so they would remember it fondly, and did just so.  _

_ Dan then insisted on returning the favor of Phil setting up the room and filled up the tub with warm water for them to soak in. When the tub was filled up enough, he went to fetch Phil and waited until Phil slid in, splashing a bit out due to his lanky limbs, to start wiping him down with a warm, sudsy towel. When he had done a thorough job, he took Phil’s strawberry scented shampoo and knelt behind him, washing and rinsing his hair. Phil whined at Dan to join him, so Dan climbed in and sat between Phil’s outstretched legs, learning his back against Phil’s chest. He could feel Phil’s half-hard dick but neither of them cared, Phil just wrapped his arms around Dan’s upper shoulders and chest and pressed a kiss to the top of Dan’s head. Dan felt an intense pressure in his chest, so painful it felt hard to breathe. He knew what the feeling was, he had felt it once before when he was younger, but that relationship had only lasted a few months before they broke it off. Dan tried to hold it in, but he made the mistake of craning his neck upwards to look at Phil and making eye contact.  _

_ He wasn’t even aware that he said it at first, he just heard the words hovering in the air and the brief widening of Phil’s eyes before they squinted as he grinned, tongue poking out with joy. Phil smashed his lips into Dan’s, doing the best they could at the awkward angle before breaking away. _

_ “I love you too, Dan. You’re my everything.” _

Fuck, there go the tears again.

  
  


\----------

  
  


A week passed and Dan wasn’t feeling any better. He had sent the last song to Jules a few days ago, quickly dragging the file, clicking send, and closing his laptop. Dan knew he had to start hyping up his tour and get more press coverage quickly so shows would start selling out, but he wasn’t sure of what to do. He phoned Lanie, wondering if she had any suggestions, to which she responded that you can never go wrong with rumours. Dan couldn’t deny it either, so he thanked her and hung up, sitting hunched over on his couch as he thought of what he could cook up. Suddenly a thought came to mind and he wanted to kick himself for how obvious it was. His entire EP was about a guy and the world still didn’t even know that he was anything other than straight. He wanted to be his true self, he didn’t want to hide anymore. 

He was about to start drafting a tweet when a text from Jules popped up, asking if Dan wanted to come over to make sure the songs sounded finalized, so he texted back saying that he would be right over. Dan arrived at Lanie and Jules’ house shortly and an hour later, Dan had listened to all of the songs. He was extremely pleased with how they sounded and he couldn’t wait for everyone to hear them, even if it was painful to listen to them. When he arrived back home, he got back to planning out his coming out tweet. Even though it made him feel uneasy to be coming out in order to get publicity, he rationally knew that it was necessary if he wanted to get as much profit as he could from people coming to see him on tour or purchasing his album. Such is the life of a music artist. 

**_The Canary (@therealcanary)_ **

_ i have some news that i feel like it’s time to share with you: i’m gay. i’ve been wanting to tell you all for a while but due to certain guidelines, i wasn’t legally allowed to. however, now that i am going solo, i am able to be my true self and that is coming out to you all and being real and honest, and this is the most honest version of me. i understand that this may drastically change your opinion of me, but i’m doing this for me so i can be happy and live my truth. i hope you’re understanding and that you support me in this journey. thank you all <3 _

Dan watched the first few responses come in before it became too much and he threw his phone aside, instead choosing to turn on the TV and play some much needed Mario Kart. He wasn’t sure of how much time had passed before a familiar sound came from his phone, meaning someone he had notifications on for on Twitter had replied to him. He only had notifications on for a few select people. Dan, interested, paused the game and picked up his phone. The screen lit up to show that Phil had liked and responded to his most recent tweet. Dan froze, heart racing, and slowly unlocked his phone, opening the Twitter app and going to his notifications, where he clicked on Phil’s reply.

**_Philip Lester (@PhilipLester)_ **

_ Replying to @therealcanary _

_ I’m really proud of you, Dan. I hope you reach happiness after finding your truth. _

The comment went straight to Dan’s heart, piercing him so hard he almost believed he had been struck by an arrow and was bleeding out slowly. It shouldn’t hurt this bad. It was just a comment wishing him to be happy, for fuck’s sake. Why was he this emotional about it? He was the one who broke up with Phil. It also caused Dan to realize that he was proud of Phil too, even if he didn’t know how to show it. Why couldn’t he show it in everyday life? He didn’t know, but he could show his emotions through song. He needed to show Phil that he was sorry, that he’s working on getting better at being a good, supportive boyfriend, and that, above all, he needs Phil. Dan curled in on himself, letting out a whimper as tears slowly began sliding out of his eyes and dripping onto the couch below him. He really had made a mistake.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dan’s tour setlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/72vFB1ek7qCt6fS7cUBfwM

Before Dan knew it, he was preparing to leave on tour for two months. Unfortunately, due to the fact that Dan now no longer had a label, he also no longer had a way to easily fund his tours. He was being forced to pay for his tour out of pocket, which only allowed him to travel mainly around Britain with a few places scattered throughout Europe. As comfortable as he was in regards to money, funding for the tour was extremely expensive. He wasn’t sure who to take, but only had the bare minimum of people: two security guards and a technical manager. He felt he needed someone to keep him company so he called up Lanie and Jules and invited them to join him on tour, to which they readily agreed, after making sure that Lanie didn’t have any shoots in the next two months, and rescheduling any she did have, which made Dan shed tears with gratitude for his supportive friends. Dan surprised all of them, and even himself, by having his things packed and ready before the morning of his departure. While waiting for the plane, they reviewed the songs Dan would be playing (25 songs from various albums of his, some old but most from his most recent album) and the places they would be traveling on which days (starting off the tour in Madrid and following the coast until finishing the tour in London). 

They were chatting, sprawled across the airport seats, when Dan heard a voice beside him, asking if the seat next to him was taken. Dan quickly moved, apologizing and saying that it was free, when he realized that the voice sounded familiar. He looked up and was greeted with blue hair and a smile. 

“Amari! What are you doing here?”

“Well that’s a nice how do you do,” She laughed, “But we’re here for you, Dan. You really thought you could get away with going on your first tour without us?”

Dan’s mouth was agape and he stuttered before talking. “But I… I didn’t buy tickets for you, there’s no room for you on the bus, how is this going to work?”

“It seems as though you’re almost trying to get rid of us,” Amari chuckled as Dan began insistently shaking his head, “We each bought our own ticket, but as for the bus, I think you should thank that one,” She nodded in Lanie’s direction.

Dan spun towards Lanie. She smiled, “I may have pulled a few strings and gotten us a bigger bus.”

Dan’s eyes started welling up, “God, thank you, Lanie.”

“It was no problem, really. I was more than happy to help when they said they wanted to come.”

He turned back to Amari, “Thank you for thinking to do this.”

She smirked, “Oh, it wasn’t me.” She turned to look at Benny, who had been silent the whole time. “It was Benny’s.”

Dan’s eyes widened in shock, but he quickly relaxed them to normal so as to not offend Benny. “Oh, in that case, thank you Benny. I really appreciate you guys being here.”

He nodded, letting out a grunt and trying not to look bothered but Dan could see a slight upward curve of his lips.

The pair then sat down and, since they hadn’t seen Dan in months, caught up with him until it was time to board the plane. The flight was fairly uneventful, but then again, Dan did sleep the whole way and when he woke up they were landing in the Madrid-Barajas Airport at 3:57am. Everyone made their way to their hotel, where they would be staying the first night, and every night after would be spent on a tour bus. Dan spent the whole night awake, tossing and turning as he worried about singing live for the first time ever. He had never been on a tour before - had never been popular enough for a tour before - so this was his first ever time. He had to physically hold himself back from calling Phil to get reassurance and hear his goofy stories to get distracted from the stressful matter at hand. God, how he wished Phil were here. He had been an idiot, breaking up with Phil. Dan cursed himself in his head; he doesn’t care how many times Phil denied it, he truly is a shit boyfriend. This did nothing to help, and Dan started remembering all of the times him and Phil had had together and how perfectly they fit and how he needed Phil in his life and curled into a ball as sobs began to wrack his body. He cried for a long time before exhausting himself, eventually falling asleep with tears still dripping down his cheeks.

Dan was being woken up by Lanie the next morning, just a few hours after he had fallen asleep. He groaned, rolling over in bed, and laid there for a few minutes, scrolling through social media and seeing the dozens of people posting about how they were going to see The Canary today. Dan sighed, rolling out of bed and heading downstairs for the hotel’s complimentary breakfast, where he met the rest of his team and piled a significant amount of food onto his plate. He knew he wouldn’t be eating any lunch or dinner, as he would be too anxious then, so he was going to take advantage of his hunger while he still had it. 

Soon, Dan and his team were meeting up with a bunch of crew at the first location and setting up the stage for how Dan would need it, as well as doing a bunch of sound checks to make sure that everything would be set for tonight. He always saw other artists having loads of fun before performing, and although Lanie and Jules kept trying to get him hyped up, he just wasn’t into it. The void in his heart was evident and he knew it wasn’t healthy to constantly be thinking about Phil, but he just wanted time. More time and surely he would be better, right? 

  
  


\----------

  
  


The rest of the day flew by and suddenly Dan found himself a few minutes before the show, anxiously awaiting going on stage. He wasn’t completely anxious, of course, he was extremely excited - he had been looking forward to this moment ever since he started writing music - but it was still a lot of nerves. Lanie, Jules, and Amari started talking to him, reassuring him that everything would go fine, Dan just needed to be himself, and even Benny gave him a pat on the back and wished him luck. For some strange reason, when the lights dimmed in the room and his chosen pre-show playlist faded out, causing the audience to start screaming, Dan began to calm down. These people liked him, they weren’t here to hate, they just wanted to hear his music. If there was one thing Dan could give people, it was his music. 

The moment came when the crew motioned him to come out on stage, and Dan stepped out into the darkness for a split second, before the spotlight switched on, narrowing in on him. Dan squinted his eyes against the harsh white light before he adjusted to it, the audience beginning to come into focus, and he began to realize how many people were actually there. Why were they all here? He didn’t deserve this, what was he thinking? His head began to spin with the flurries of thoughts flying around, but he imagined Phil standing in the audience, supporting him, cheering him on, and believing in him, and suddenly Dan knew he could do this. He grinned at the audience, laughing when they screamed louder. He put his arm up and did a two-fingered salute. 

“What’s up, Madrid? How are you all doing tonight?” He yelled, laughing when he got louder screams in response. “I’m excited to be here, and it’s my first show ever, so I’m trusting you guys to make it a good one.” He made his way over to the piano and sat on the bench, resting his wrists on the edge of it. “This first song is the first one I ever released, so it felt only fitting to start with it.” Dan paused a moment, waiting for the crowd to quiet down, then began the first few notes of the song, his fingers drifting over the keys by muscle memory and he began singing, blocking out everything that was happening around him, only focusing on what was happening in his small personal bubble. As the song came to a close, Dan let the last notes ring out and looked out into the audience, joyfully grinning as they loudly cheered and clapped for him. This was a good feeling, he decided. Not in an egotistical manner, but just being able to see that people actually appreciated his music. 

The rest of the concert was smooth sailing, Dan pausing between songs to talk to the audience and interact with them and singing most of his old songs, switching between piano, guitar, and ukulele. The last song on the setlist ended and Dan was getting ready to give his farewell speech to the crowd, when they started chanting for an encore. Dan froze - he didn’t have an encore prepared, why didn’t he think of that? What would he even sing? It was almost as if the audience read his mind, as they began chanting, “New song!” over and over. Dan wanted to facepalm; right, he had told them he had new music. They wanted to hear something off his new EP. But he couldn’t sing any of those, they were all about Phil. Fuck, what was he going to do now? He frantically looked backstage, to see the three women giving him a thumbs up and putting their hands up, telling him to stay put and, apparently, sing another song. What the ever loving fuck was he supposed to do now? He would have to sing ‘HIM’ he supposed, that was more about his sexuality than it was about Phil, so it would hurt the least. Actually, who was he kidding? They would all hurt.

“This will be my last song of the night, and it’s one off of my new EP that will be coming out shortly. This is called ‘HIM’ and I hope you like it.”

He set his guitar down on the stand and sat down at the piano bench, placing his fingers on the keys and taking a deep breath that he held for a moment before beginning to play. He had every word and inflection memorized exactly and was playing nearly completely from muscle memory because if he tried to think right now, he would have a breakdown on stage. Suddenly, the last note was ringing out and Dan broke out of his trance. He looked out across the crowd of thousands of people, all cheering and whistling and clapping, all with awestruck faces, some tear streaked faces shining up at him, and he thanked everyone one last time before exiting the stage. 

Dan walked offstage and had barely gotten back there when he was surrounded by his team. Lanie and Amari tightly hugged Dan, squealing, while Jules and Benny patted Dan on his back, congratulating him on completing his first show and how good he did. Dan felt numb. Dan heard Lanie telling him that he should sing one of his new songs at every performance, whether it be the same one each time or a different one, and he nodded, eyes not quite focusing. Dan said something about needing to be alone for a bit and went to the tour bus that was waiting outside the back entrance to the venue. He went into his private room at the back of the bus, closing the door and leaning up against it, putting his head in his hands and taking a few deep breaths. He just sang a song that was inspired by his newly-ex-boyfriend, whom he was still in love with, in front of a crowd of thousands of people. And he would have to do it almost every night. Dan dug his fingers into his palms, relishing in the pain that followed, dragging him back to reality and took another deep breath. He had to hold it together; he could do this, it was just a song.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the penultimate chapter, and this friday will be the epilogue!

It took a few shows for Dan to become comfortable with singing ‘HIM’ in front of crowds, but he eventually became numb to the feelings and was finally able to happily sing the song to people. Each show brought him more and more happiness and he loved the rush of adrenaline it brought him, to be able to be up there singing for people to enjoy. The weeks passed, and before Dan knew it, it was the night before his last show on tour. It seemed like just yesterday that he had started touring, but it would come to an end tomorrow night, in London. Needless to say, it was quite a sleepless night for him. 

Lanie and Jules kept Dan busy during the day by traveling slightly out of London to go miniature golfing and bowling, but eventually they had to go to The O2 to do the routine sound checks and set up. Thankfully, Dan wasn’t as anxious as he had been at the beginning of touring, so he was able to joke around and do their pre-show rituals to hype him up. It was a few minutes before Dan was meant to go on and he briefly entertained the thought that Phil would be in the audience, but quickly shut it down. He would never go to his ex’s show, so there was no reason that Phil would. He cleared his mind and listened to the crowd’s cheering before walking on stage, where he stood in the darkness for a moment before the lights were flashed on, reminding him of his first show. Unconsciously, he found himself looking for Phil in the crowd, but he could barely make out faces in the crowd, and the few that he could see were overly excited teenage girls. Dan shook himself out of it - it was time to put on a show.

He went through his songs like normal, and even sang the encore of ‘HIM’ the same, but after he finished singing the encore, he felt differently about the whole thing. He knew it wasn’t fair, but something about it being his “hometown” and the fact that this was his last show, he wanted to do something different. He wanted to portray a message that he hoped would somehow make its way back to Phil, and sing the song he had written about his pain that would show how sorry he was. 

“I’ve had a great time with you guys tonight and you’ve been an incredible audience, so thank you for that.” He paused to let the cheering die down, “I actually have one more song for you all. This last song is one that none of you have heard before, and it’s because I just wrote it while on tour. It’s about how I hurt someone very special to me and the pain I feel because I know I hurt them and how I need them in my life. This is ‘I’d Come For You’ and I hope you like it.”

Dan’s fingers flew across the guitar as he played and he felt every word that he sang come from deep inside of him as he struggled to hold his tears back. The next three minutes felt like a blur and suddenly, Dan was done. He weakly smiled and stood up, waving to the crowd as he exited the stage. He had barely gotten backstage before Lanie ran up to him, engulfing him in a huge hug, tears streaming down her face and she whispered in his ear how beautiful the song was. Jules and Amari weren't far behind, and hugged Dan next, squeezing him and patting him on the back to show her congratulations. It was Benny’s turn to surprise Dan again, as he came up to Dan and embraced him tightly. Granted, it was only for half a second, but Dan felt the emotion Benny needed to portray anyway.

“I just hope he’ll hear it,” Dan whispers softly to Lanie, “I just want him to know I’m sorry.”

At this, Lanie and Jules pulled back and made loaded eye contact with each other, causing Dan to look suspiciously between the two. Lanie gave him a small, sheepish grin, “Somehow I think he heard it.” She moved aside, looking further backstage, to where a figure was standing in the shadows. Dan squinted his eyes, trying to make out who it was, but just as he recognized the tall figure, the stranger stepped out of the shadows. 

Dan froze, his heart thumping and eyes widening, muscles twitching as if they couldn’t decide between fight or flight or kiss. “Hi, Phil.”

“Hi, Dan.”

He saw his four friends leave out of the corner of his eye, but it didn’t really register. The only thing he could focus on was Phil in front of him, hair perfectly quiffed and lips quirked into a small smile. 

Before he could stop himself, he burst out, “What’re you doing here?” 

Hurt flickered over Phil’s expression for a moment before it stilled. “I wanted to see you. I had bought a seat in the audience but when Lanie found out I was coming she convinced security to allow me backstage for the concert.”

Dan wasn’t quite sure how to respond to this situation. “Um… I’m glad. Do you want to go sit down somewhere so we can…” He nervously gulped, “...talk?”

“That would be nice.” Phil stuck his arm out in a gesturing way, indicating that Dan should lead them, so Dan led them into a room near the back of the backstage where it was quieter without the ruckus coming from fans exiting the building. 

Dan opened the door, allowing Phil to go in first and turn on the light, while Dan shut the door behind them with an echoing click, seeming to seal them into confinement together. It was a get-ready room of sorts, with two mirrored desks with chairs and a large couch at the back. Phil sat on one end of the couch and Dan didn’t want to make it visibly awkward by sitting somewhere completely different to Phil, so he sat on the opposite end of the couch. 

Dan picked at his cuticles a second, before looking up at Phil. “So, um. Thank you for coming, first of all. What did you think?”

Phil smiled softly, “I enjoyed it. I can tell you really enjoy being out there, you look really happy.”

“I am,” Dan confirmed, “I’m happy.” Something like hurt flashed across Phil’s face again, and Dan quickly tried to backtrack. “I mean, I’m happy performing, but otherwise not really, I’m not. Things, well, they haven’t been great. Ever since, you know…” Dan gestured between the two of them, “we stopped.”

He watched Phil’s jaw clench, “You were the one who initiated the break, Dan.”

“I know,” Dan blurted out, “And I’m sorry, I was frustrated and stressed and wasn’t thinking clearly. I wasn’t in a good place to be in a relationship at that time.”

“Well then maybe you should have communicated that better, rather than making me feel guilty for the fact that you have trust issues that you wouldn’t let me help you with and me not being ready to quit my job, which was a huge part of my life, when you know I hate change.”

“I’m so sorry, I really am. That wasn’t fair on my part.”

Phil paused, leaving the room in silence, studying Dan. “I quit my job. Maybe a week or so after you left. I’m a freelance wedding photographer now.”

Dan grinned softly, “I’m proud of you. I know that was hard for you. I just wish I could have been there for you through that. I should have been.”

Phil was silent a moment before whispering, his voice barely audible to Dan’s ears. “You let me down when I needed someone the most. You hurt me.”

Dan’s voice was equally quiet when he responded, “I thought I was helping you. I didn’t think it was fair to you to have to deal with my shit when I couldn’t even deal with my own, much less help you with yours. I never meant to hurt you.”

“Maybe you should have done less assuming what would be better for me, and instead asked me what my opinions on the subject were. I would’ve felt better about everything had this been a mutual decision.” Phil’s voice broke near the end, and he fell into sudden silence.

The two were staring down at the couch, avoiding the others’ eyes until Dan looked up to see tears trickling down Phil’s face and falling onto his folded hands. As soon as he saw Phil’s tears, Dan began to cry, hot tears streaking down his face. “I regret everything I did that day. I wish I could go back and change everything. I'm genuinely sorry and it hurts me to see you hurting and to know that I caused it.” When Phil didn’t respond, Dan figured he wanted to be left alone, so he got up, but froze when he felt a hand grasp his wrist. He spun around and looked down at Phil, who was looking back up at him with a pleading look in his eyes.

“Please don’t leave.”

Dan sat down so quickly he almost fell back. He was much closer to Phil now. “Can I hug you?” He asked, unsure of where they stood.

Phil nodded, so Dan gathered Phil up in his arms, resting his chin on Phil’s head after the other relaxed into his hold and rested his chin on Dan’s chest. He held Phil tight for the next few minutes, unmoving, as they both silently cried. When Phil’s tears finally stopped, he pulled away from Dan slightly and looked up at him. “I know you’re sorry.”

Dan’s face crumpled into a relieved grin, as he let out a watery chuckle. “That’s good, because I don’t know how many other ways I can find to say I’m sorry.” Phil snorted a breathy laugh, but they stayed quiet for a few moments before Dan took in a deep breath. “Phil, I want a chance to make it all up to you. I don’t know exactly what that means, and it doesn’t have to be as boyfriends, but at least as friends. I realized during the time we were apart that you’re the only one for me, and I want to show you that I’m someone you can trust and who will always be there for you, through the thick and the thin.” He looked at Phil cautiously, with bated breath, waiting for an answer. They stared unblinkingly into the others’ eyes, blue eyes seeming to look into Dan’s soul as Phil searched them. 

Finally, Phil sighed, “I don’t think I can do that. I can’t give you a second chance, I’m sorry.” His face was completely blank.

Dan froze, mind going blank as he tried to process what Phil had said, but he knew he had to respect Phil’s wishes. “Okay, I… I understand. That’s -”

Suddenly, Phil cracked a smirk, “I’m joking, I couldn’t stop thinking about you that entire time and how in love with you I am. I think I’d like some Dan in my life.”

Dan gasped and smacked Phil on his chest, before getting off the couch and turning away while shaking his head, “Philip Michael Lester! You horrible boy, I actually hate you. You’re lucky that I need some Phil in my life, or I’d be throwing you out on the street for that.”

Phil hooked one of Dan’s back belt loops on his finger and pulled him down on the couch before swinging a leg over to straddle him and nibbling on Dan’s bottom lip, then kissing him hotly and licking once into his mouth before pulling away, leaving Dan flushed, lips glistening with spit. “You love me, Howell. And no more Capricious Canary and Paparazzo Philip trying to please the world, just Dan and Phil against the world.”

Dan smiled, “Dan and Phil against the world. It’s got a nice ring to it, don’t you think?”

“Beautiful ring, similar to the one I’ll be putting on your finger.”

Dan’s jaw dropped, “What the fuck, Phil. Are you serious?”

Phil only smiled, “Not right now, obviously, but in the future, who knows? I wouldn’t be opposed.”

Dan looked into Phil’s gleaming eyes, heart melting with the sheer beauty - inside and out - of the man before him. “Nor would I.”


	10. Epilogue

Weeks flew by and Dan and Phil made sure to fix the flaws that had been in their relationship previously and to be more honest and open with each other, as well as being supportive to their partner, in whatever way their partner needed. Obviously, they still bickered on occasion, but large fights were avoided by talking before the problem blew up in their faces. 

Shortly after returning home from tour, Dan asked if Benny and Amari would be willing to work for him, rather than the label they currently worked for. He offered for Benny to become his manager, which he heartily agreed to, eyes lighting up and hidden smile creeping through. Dan also offered for Amari to be his personal stylist, which she was more than happy to agree to, squealing and planting a firm kiss to Dan’s cheek. Dan figured he was in no need for a label, as long as he had his trusted friends as his manager and stylist.

The entire week leading up to his EP coming out, Dan was overjoyed and constantly tweeting and going live to answer questions. He went on a few radio shows and talk shows to preview some songs and drop hints to his fans. Benny started up Dan’s first ever merch company and they got a crew to various articles of clothing with a one-line outline of a canary, as well as CD’s and marbled vinyls that featured his EP. When he received the first physical vinyl he cried with happiness that something he loved was actually real and out in the world. 

He couldn’t keep still the night of the release and was jittering anxiously, despite Phil’s numerous attempts to calm him down or distract him. 

“I was trying to be sexy!” Phil huffed, indignant and a bit embarrassed.

Dan snorted, “Mate, you just blinked. That wasn’t even close to a wink.”

“Don’t call me ‘mate’, that’s just weird when I’m trying to seduce you.”

“Trying to seduce me?”

“Well, I was, until you ruined the mood.” Phil frowned.

“I’m sorry, babe, would you like me to-” The chirp of an iPhone alarm cut Dan off, and the two gasped.

Dan lunged for his phone and unlocked it, tweeting the tweet he had carefully drafted earlier, one that he hoped would display his excitement. Dan and Phil sat tensed for a few minutes, checking the various music sites to make sure the music was up and that it wasn’t a fluke, before Phil scooted closer to Dan on the couch, leaning his head on the concave of Dan’s shoulder and swinging his right leg over his body to rest on Dan’s. They sat cuddled together, enjoying each other's warmth and company as they scrolled through social media. It wasn’t long when Phil saw something out of the corner of his eye and looked over to see tears dropping from Dan’s face.

“Oh, Danny, don’t cry. Why are you crying?”

“I’m just… happy. I’m so purely happy.” He sniffled, letting out a wet laugh, “‘Cause of this,” he nodded at his phone, “And cause of you.”

Phil’s heart turned to mush and he felt an intense wave of love for his boyfriend, smiling a crooked smile. “You make me really happy too.”

  
  


\----------

  
  


Three years went by and throughout that time, Dan had released an album and Phil had gotten fully settled into his new job and both were happier than ever. They had bought their forever home a few months back, a modern home on the outskirts of London that gave them privacy and freedom, and although they missed apartment life, they enjoyed not having flat neighbors and having a yard. They had gotten a dog, a corgi mix named Comet, and although the boys had talked about marriage, nothing had really happened in that area yet. 

Dan knew he wanted to be the one proposing to Phil, showing to him that he truly was committed to him, even though Phil most definitely knew that by now. He knew the kind of ring Phil wanted, and had memorized the size of Phil’s ring finger, the only thing he needed to do now was get the ring and figure out how to actually execute it. He went to a jeweler a fair distance from their home, making an excuse to Phil that he was going to the studio. He picked out the ring, heart light and giddy, before tucking it safely away in his jacket pocket and awaiting the moment that it would next see the light.

He spent two days almost solely thinking of ways to propose, even looking it up in different variations on Google, but still couldn’t think of anything spectacular. He eventually figured that for him and Phil’s relationship, they didn’t need anything flashy or particularly extravagant, just something heartfelt and genuine, and suddenly he knew what to do.

The next day, he got up early to take a shower and was careful to scrub every crevice and pore and put a significant amount of product into his hair so it wouldn’t frizz up over the course of the day, and sprayed on a healthy amount of his most expensive perfume. He dressed in a black and white button-up shirt, black jeans, and Alexander McQueen flower boots that he had gotten but was never sure when to wear. He brushed his fingers over Phil’s cheek to wake him up, then kissed him softly on the cheek.

“I’m off to the studio again for a few hours today, but there’s a band playing at the O2 today, and I’d like for us to go together.”

Phil grunted sleepily.

Dan chuckled, “Never mind, I’ll text you the details. See you later, bub. I love you.”

“Mm, love you too, babe.” He mumbled.

Dan took a cab to his destination and spent the day preparing for what would happen later that afternoon. When the time hit 14:30, Dan texted Phil, asking if he could make it to the O2 by 15:00 for them to attend the concert together, and he responded affirmative. Dan then had to play the waiting game for a half hour until Phil texted him that he was there, waiting for Dan outside the venue doors. Dan told him he would be waiting right inside the doors to the actual stage, and then put his phone on silent and laid it on the ground beside him. When he heard the creak of the doors opening in the silent, empty auditorium, he sucked in a breath, put his fingers on the frets, and began to play. He kept his eyes trained on Phil as his boyfriend walked through the rows and rows of seats then up through the pit, until he reached the stage, staring up adoringly at Dan. He smiled at Dan and Dan easily smiled back, nodding his head back to gesture that Phil should get on stage with him. To Dan’s dismay, Phil put his palms on the stage and hoisted himself up, standing right next to Dan. Every time Dan sang, “I always wanna be with you,” he couldn’t help but smile at Phil. He knew his voice was shaking, almost imperceptibly, but Phil knew him well enough to tell. He finished the song and slung his guitar off his back, resting it in the stand. He reached for his jacket which was lying on the ground, ready to take out the ring box and propose. He gripped it in his sweaty palm and turned around, heart stopping when he saw Phil already on one knee.

“No!” He gasped.

Phil’s face dropped, eyes wide, “N...no?”

Dan smacked himself in the forehead, “No! I meant no as in ‘no-you-weren’t-supposed-to-be-the-one-to-propose’. As in I was going to propose. To you. Right now.”

Phil let out a short breathy laugh, “Oh my god, we’re idiots. We would do something like this.” He paused to look at Dan’s face, noting the disappointed, pinched expression. “Dan? Would you like a re-do?”

“A re-do?”

“We can act like this never happened, like I never proposed to you. Sing the song again and I’ll let you propose. Would you like that?”

Dan’s mouth fought to keep in a frown, but he burst into a grin. “You wouldn’t mind?”

“At the end of the day, I’m getting engaged anyway, aren’t I?”

Dan giggled, nerves now quenched. “We’re getting engaged!”

Phil whacked him on the shoulder, “Shh! We’re doing the re-do!”

Dan laughed again and picked up his guitar, singing the song over, unable to stop smiling throughout. When he finished, he put the guitar down and took out his ring box, getting down on one knee and opening the box. Phil gasped and clasped his hands over his heart. “Philip Michael Lester, you’ve been with me through thick and thin, and we’ve been through a lot together, but I wouldn’t change it for anything. You’ve been my rock when I’m feeling bad and you’ve always encouraged me to get better. I couldn’t live my life without you by my side. So, will you marry me?” 

Phil’s tears dripped onto the stage, “Of course I will.”

Dan grinned from ear to ear and took the ring out of the box, slipping it onto Phil’s finger before resting his hands on Phil’s neck and pulling him into a gentle kiss. They pulled away and Phil examined the ring. “It’s beautiful, Dan. It’s everything I ever wanted.” He looked up at Dan then, “You’re everything I ever wanted.”

Dan teared up, letting out a chuckle, “Fucking hell, you’re cheesy.”

“I’m allowed to be cheesy, I’m gonna get married.” Phil paused, then frowned, “How did you pull this off? There were security guards and everything that had to check me.”

“I pulled a few strings,” Dan smiled, “Got some security, had some technicians help me with the sound and the lighting, and voilà, a fake concert.”

“It’s perfect, you know. I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way, except that I ruined your moment and proposed first.”

Dan cocked his head to the side, “What do you mean? I proposed to you.”

Phil stared at him blankly until Dan widened his eyes a fraction and coughed, “Oh! Oh, right. Silly me, I haven’t even given you your ring that I didn’t propose to you with.” He pulled out his ring box and opened it, carefully taking the ring out and sliding it onto Dan’s finger. “There, now we’re matching.”

“Phil, this is gorgeous. It’s me as a ring,” He laughed, “Thank you.”

“Of course,” He smirked and hip bumped Dan, “my fiance.”

Dan grinned back, “I’m so happy.”

“Me too.” Phil reached his arm out to softly twist one of Dan’s curls around his finger, both of their eyes sparkling. “I’m excited for our life ahead of us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was super cheesy, but everyone needs some cheese in their life, even you lactose intolerants. i had the best time writing this, so i really hope you enjoyed :) <3

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are always welcome and appreciated!


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